In my meditational space, I have a conversation with Christ. I am asking him, as I have done before, to help me with some of the burden of my suffering. He is always compassionate and loving with me, and always helps me when I ask. He is always clear that it is no burden to him – that because he is part of the Infinite, then the suffering that he accepts from me just passes into the Infinite and transforms.
This time however he says something a little different. He says, ‘I can relieve you of this bit of suffering, but are you sure that is what you want? If you have none of your suffering left then you are a different person.’
I immediately understand the implications of what he is saying.
Firstly my suffering is an integral part of who I am. If it were all gone at once I would be like a stuffed toy losing a lot of its stuffing. I would lose definition, lose strength, lose capacity. I would be weak and floppy.
And secondly, I realise I would no longer have excuses to be less than I truly am. I would be able to be fully present in myself and in the world. I could act fully from Love in a way that my current burden of suffering ‘prevents’ me from doing. I find this prospect deeply disturbing…
I say, ‘You are right. I need to think about this and be realistic. For the time being though, your help with this little bit of suffering is fine.’